This is a transcript of the VeggieTales Kids episode Tuba or Not Tuba, from season 3, which aired on September 4, 2000.
(fade in to a shot of Good Health Elementary School)
MR. JERRYCONE: And that's what happens when temperatures are above freezing. Rain falls down in warmer temperatures that go above freezing. But in colder temperatures that go at or below freezing, instead of rain, snowflakes fall down, and if it gets cold enough it can accumulate. (bell rings) Well, that's all the time we have in science class today. See you tomorrow.
(Bob walks across a hallway)
BOB: Mr. Jerrycone sure taught us cool stuff about weather. Right Larry? (he notices he is walking all by himself) Larry? (shouts) LARRY! WHERE ARE YOU? (walks to band class)
LARRY: (shouts back) HEY BOB!
BOB: There you are. Why did you go to band class without me? I was worried about you buddy.
LARRY: Well, Mr. Jerrycone allowed me to leave science class earlier so I can go to band class
BOB: Really?
LARRY: Yep. (Mrs. Bradfair, and other students arrive
MRS. BRADFAIR: Good morning my beautiful band students. Welcome. Today, we are going to be playing instruments today. And Larry, I have an instrument that I think you're going to like the most.
LARRY: Really, what is it? Is it a tuba? I love the tuba.
MRS. BRADFAIR: I think you're right Larry. Now students, I will hand you each instruments
MR. NEZZER: Do we pick instruments ourselves?
MRS. BRADFAIR: No Mr. Nezzer. I pick the instruments for students. Students can't get what instrument they want. I'm the band teacher, and I get to decide. (hands Junior Asparagus a clarinet) Here you go Junior.
JUNIOR: A clarinet. Cool. (plays his clarinet)
MRS. BRADFAIR: I'm glad you like it Junior. (hands Mr. Nezzer a violin) Mr. Nezzer, here you go.
MR. NEZZER: (shouts) A violin, again?!? I don't want to play the violin. (throws tantrum) I WANT TO PLAY A DIFFERENT INSTRUMENT!!!
MRS. BRADFAIR: (sternly) Now you listen here. There is a rule that there will be no tantrums in band class. You can either play the violin or you can get out of band class and go to the principal's office. (hands Archibald Asparagus a saxophone) Here you go Archibald
ARCHIBALD: (blows into the saxophone) Very interesting instrument.
MRS. BRADFAIR: That's called a saxophone, Archibald. (hands Laura Carrot a trombone) Here you go.
LAURA: (plays her trombone, and slides it. She then laughs) I like this instrument. it sounds very cool. But one thing confuses me. Why doesn't it have valves, even though the other brass instruments do?
MRS. BRADFAIR: That's because the trombone is a very special instrument, and it has a slider. It's the only brass instrument with a slider. Other instruments in the brass family, like the trumpet and the French horn, have valves. The French horn has rotary valves, while the trumpet, the euphonium, the baritone horn, and the tuba all have piston valves. (hands Bob the Tomato a bassoon) Here you go Bob.
BOB: (plays his bassoon) I love this. A very deep sound.
MRS. BRADFAIR: Indeed it is. That's called a bassoon. It is the lowest pitched musical instrument in the woodwind family. (hands Larry the Cucumber a tuba) Here you go Larry. A tuba, just for you.
LARRY: Thanks Mrs. Bradfair.
MRS. BRADFAIR: Why don't you try it out, and see what you think of it.
LARRY: (blows into his tuba and plays it) Wow. Yessiree, That is just the instrument I always wanted. (laughs)
MRS. BRADFAIR: Just like the bassoon is the lowest pitched musical instrument in the woodwind family, the tuba is the lowest pitched musical instrument in the brass family. OK everyone. Now we are going to play a piece of music. (hands everyone a piece of music) OK class, we are going to play Loch Lomand.
MR. NEZZER: (rudely) No. (spits) No. We are not playing that stupid piece again.
MRS. BRADFAIR: (more stern than before) Mr. Nezzer, you cut that behavior out right now. You are not the boss of this class. You will participate whether you like it or not. See there. Rule #5, no tantrums, and rule #6, participating is required. If you don't like it, you can leave the class, and I will call Pa Grape and Mr. Lunt to take you home.
MR. NEZZER: Oh no you're not. I'm never going to participate. (throws a massive tantrum) I AM NOT PLAYING STUPID LOCH LOMAND, OR ANY OTHER STUPID PIECE OF MUSIC IN THIS STUPID CLASS. (bawls hysterically and screams)
MRS. BRADFAIR: (angrily and even more stern) You know what? That's it. I am calling Pa Grape and Mr. Lunt right now. Mr. Nezzer, you have been very rude and disrespectful. I've had it with you. You are not allowed to throw tantrums, and I especially do not have any tolerance with them at all. You Mr. Nezzer, are in big trouble. I am calling Pa Grape and Mr. Lunt right now. (dials phone) Hello? Is this Pa Grape and Mr. Lunt? Mr. Nezzer has been extremely disrespectful in band class today. Could you please take him home? Thanks.Bye Bye. Mr. Nezzer, for your punishment, you will lose recess for a week. (Mr. Nezzer sobs even harder) (a 5 minutes later time card follows, with John Ritter reading the time card)
PA GRAPE: Mr. Nezzer, words cannot describe how disappointed Mr. Lunt and I are. (Mr. Nezzer walks with Mr. Lunt and Pa Grape. You are in serious trouble Mr. Nezzer. (the car drives away and Mr. Nezzer bawls hysterically) (a 5 minutes later time card follows, this time with Bruce Dinsmore reading the time card) Mr. Nezzer, you are grounded for being disrespectful to Mrs. Bradfair.
MR. LUNT: You are not allowed to watch TV at all. until you clean up your negative attitude.
PA GRAPE: Go to your room, and don't come out until I say so. (Mr. Nezzer runs to his room, bawling. A meanwhille time card follows with Mark Elliot reading the time card)
LARRY: Goodbye. See you on Monday. (bus drives away)
BOB: Take care. (his dad walks by). Dad.
BOB'S DAD: Bobby. (laughs) I'm proud of you for behaving well in school, and participating in band class.
LARRY'S MOM: Me too Larry. (a 2 hours later time card follows, with Mark Elliot reading the time card.
BOB'S DAD: Larry, your mother has come to an important decision. And Bobby, so have I. We encourage you to play your bassoon Bobby, and Larry, we encourage you to play your tuba. All you need is a little practice.
BOB: I love to play my bassoon, and I'm sure Larry would like to join me and play his tuba.
LARRY: Of course. I'd love to join you. It wouldn't be much of a band if you and I weren't in Mrs. Bradfair's class together.
LARRY'S MOM: Alright Larry. That's what we like to hear.
BOB'S DAD: You've got a very positive attitude Bobby.
BOB: (walks) Come on Larry. Let's go play our musical instruments. I've got my bassoon.
LARRY: And I will come get my tuba. I want to play with you Bob. (laughs)
BOB'S DAD: You know, I used to play the tuba when I was in band class, just like you Larry.
LARRY'S MOM: And I was a bassoon player myself when I was in band class. (Bob's dad and Larry's mom hand Bob and Larry their instruments. There you go Larry. You're tuba is all set.
BOB'S DAD: Have fun Bobby, and enjoy your bassoon.
(fade into Bob's bedroom)
BOB: What song would you like to play first?
LARRY: I'll play 15 songs with you.
BOB: What is the first song you're going to play?
LARRY: I got it. Loch Lomand.
BOB: Okay. Loch Lomand it is. (plays Loch Lomand, and Larry joins in)
LARRY: Okay. What song do you want to play?
BOB: I love the alphabet song.
LARRY: You got a deal. (plays the ABC song, and Bob joins in)
BOB: That was great. What song do you want to play next?
LARRY: Mary Had a Little Lamb.
BOB: Sure thing. (plays Mary Had a Little Lamb, and Larry joins in)
LARRY: Great job. What song would you like next?
BOB: Yankee Doodle.
LARRY: Got it. (both play Yankee Doodle)
BOB: (laughs) Very awesome.What's our next song
LARRY: Oh. I got it. This Old Man
BOB: Got it. (both play This Old Man)
LARRY: Wonderful. Now what song should we play?
BOB: How about She'll Be Coming Round the Mountain.
LARRY: That's a great song (Bob starts playing She'll Be Coming Round the Mountain and then Larry joins in)
BOB: Excellent. Now what song shall we play?
LARRY: Oh My Darling Clementine.
BOB: That's a great tune. (both play Clementine)
LARRY: Wonderful. Now what song should we play?
BOB: I've Been Working on the Railroad
LARRY: That's a wonderful song. (both play I've Been Working on the Railroad)
BOB: Wonderful song Larry. Now what song should we play?
LARRY: Billy Boy.
BOB: Okay. (both play Billy Boy)
LARRY: That's awesome. Now what song should we play.
BOB: How about The Wheels on the Bus?
LARRY: Great idea for a song. (both play Wheels on the Bus)
BOB: We took the bus before we even came home. What song should we play next?
LARRY: Dance of the Cucumber. When I grow up, I want to dance like the cucumber in the picture.
BOB: Sure, and I'll transcribe everything you say in Spanish and put it in English. We could both star in the song in the future. (Bob plays Dance of the Cucumber, and Larry joins in)
LARRY: Catchy. What song shall we play next?
BOB: The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything, Did you make that song up.
LARRY: Yep, and I can't wait to sing it with Pa Grape and Mr. Lunt when I grow up. Here we go (Bob plays The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything, and Larry joins in)
BOB: That's great. We only have one more song to practice for tomorrow's band performance before everyone plays The Liberty Bell March.
LARRY: And it's called The Yodeling Veterinarian of the Alps. I sing this song whenever somebody needs help at the veterinarian. The piece of music reads that I don't come in until the opening verse is done. Let's play. (Bob plays the opening verse, and then Larry joins in playing the chorus on his tuba after the opening verse ends)
BOB: Bravissimo. We did it. We played every single song.
BOB'S DAD: Great job. You guys made beautiful music together, and I'm proud of you. You guys should play your instruments more often. When I heard you guys playing, it made me want to dance. Wonderful music Bobby. Your bassoon sounds very nice.
LARRY'S MOM: And I'm also very proud of you for making such great music on your tuba. It sounds very cool. It got me dancing as well.
LARRY: Thanks mom.
LARRY'S MOM: No problem. That was very cool music you guys played
BOB: Thanks dad. (he and Larry both laugh. A time card follows, reading the next day, read by Daniel Brochu)
MRS. BRADFAIR: Very good. I am so proud of you all for practicing all the pieces at home yesterday, so now we are going to play all the pieces you all have practiced. Okay, Mr. Nezzer, please remember what I told you about participating in band class.
MR. NEZZER: I know, I don't want to get in trouble.
MRS. BRADFAIR: Okay. Ready, go.
(a time card follows, reading 80 minutes later)
MRS. BRADFAIR: Way to go! Now we are going to play our last song, The Liberty Bell March. Okay guys are you ready? (Mrs. Bradfair conducts and everyone plays The Liberty Bell March. A few minutes later, the song ends). Excellent. Now as a reward, I think all of you deserve a special treat. French fries for everyone.
BOB: These fries are very delicious. Thanks. (the bell rings, and Bob and Larry walk to the bus. Multiple time cards appear hour after hour. Then, Bob and Larry get ready for bed) I'm tired. I can't wait to go back to school tomorrow.
LARRY: Uh, Bob, we don't have school tomorrow. Tomorrow's Saturday remember? We
BOB: Yeah. That's right. And I am having a sleepover at your house. Goodnight Larry.
LARRY: Goodnight Bob.
BOB'S DAD: No wonder why you're very sleepy. You worked very hard today in band class. Great job. Goodnight you guys. (turns light off. The camera zooms out of Larry's house, and the episode fades out)